Codependency

Codependency is a subject I find very controversial. It’s controversial because people don’t like talking about it. I don’t really think most people even understand what it is. I didn’t understand it either outside the context of a romantic relationship until I was in my 30s.

I want to shed some light on this controversial topic because I want to help people. I need people to open their eyes to this topic and be willing to learn as much as possible. The best introduction to the topic can be found at Mental Health America‘s wonderful website: https://www.mhanational.org/co-dependency

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Am I Codependent?

• Do you usually end up in relationships with needy people?
• Do you make a lot of excuses for your partner who is a substance abuser?
• Is it difficult for you to express yourself to others (especially your partner)?
• Do you feel like it is your responsibility to “save” everyone?
• Do you take on the responsibilities of others?

If you answered YES to at least 3 of these questions, you are a codependent person. It’s OK. You can get some help in improving boundaries with people. Setting Boundaries is the most important lesson codependents have to learn.

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Setting Boundaries

What does setting boundaries look like? It looks like this.

• Saying NO to people when you need to
• Don’t apologize or feel bad about saying NO
• Make sure people respect you/don’t call you outside of your given name
• Tell people when you are available and be honest about when you are not available. For example, tell your friends/family you don’t answer calls after 9:00 pm unless it’s an emergency. And stick to it.
• Either eliminate the person/people or limit the time you spend with the toxic family members in your life. When you set boundaries with family members – be honest with yourself and them. If you attend an event and they keep upsetting you, you can leave. You don’t HAVE to deal with them. You are no longer a child. You can get up and walk out. You can leave. You can drive away. This is important also – don’t ride anywhere with toxic people. Make your own arrangements for transportation if you must attend a family event. Once the event is over, you can leave. You can leave on your terms.
• Never allow someone to think you need them so much, that you wouldn’t leave if they crossed the line. Let them know right away where the line is, and if they cross it, you are GONE. There are no negotiations. You leave. Make sure they understand you do know your worth.

Peace and Blessings.