The Dreamer Dreams Bigger…

My writing life really sparkled in my teen years. I wrote several stories between 13-16. Writing was my savior because high school life was hell for me. Most of the time I wasn’t even the protagonist in my stories because I thought I was too dull. Beyonce has an alter ego called Sasha Fierce. Well, I had an alter ego too.

I told myself I would be different after high school. People were going to see a different person who took chances and was more confident. It took more than a few years to get to where I am today. The person I was in college was the beginning of who I was going to up end in later years. I was blossoming.

This geranium (me) saw life differently after college. I realized there were many worlds that lived inside me. I needed to continue to write. My thoughts came out through poetry. Poetry became my way to really explore myself and the world around me. It’s hard to describe my thoughts. The best way to describe my thoughts are what it would probably be like living inside the mind of French director, producer, and screenwriter Michel Gondry. Please look up some of his work: films Be Kind Rewind, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and The Science of Sleep. He also did the video “Fell In Love With the Girl” by The White Stripes. Michel Gondry didn’t influence me. His work confirmed for me that the thoughts I had since I was a kid wasn’t crazy. The daydreaming from my childhood could actually turn into something worthwhile. If you check out his music videos you will get a glimpse into the same kind of thinking I had when I was 7, 8,9, and 10 but I didn’t have words for my visions. I was processing my thoughts in the way Gondry demonstrates in his work way before I knew who he was.

I didn’t have words for all of my visions, thoughts, and ideas. I thought I was just going mad (another way of saying ‘crazy’). Imagine being a child and not having the words for your thoughts? I didn’t know how to express myself as a child. I was so painfully shy. My shyness was the reason I starting writing in the first place. I literally didn’t know how to talk to people so I wrote words down on paper before conversations. I rehearsed conversations in my head before I had them with people in person.

I rehearsed a lot of things in my head before I stepped outside to deal with the world. Writing saved me in so many ways. I will never be able to fully explain how much it saved my life. Books and writing made me feel more sane. I didn’t know of many people who had the dreams and fantasies I had so wasn’t sure it was OK to have the dreams and fantasies I had. I was grateful to meet others like myself once I was in my late 20s.

What I wanted to express in this post is this: it’s OK to have dreams and fantasies (as long as it’s legal and doesn’t harm ANYONE). I know many people who are into things that go far beyond my imagination but they are having fun and not hurting anyone in the process. They are stretching how far the mind (and sometimes the body) can go.

To be continued in the next blog…

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